I’ve had to devise ways to figure out if white men are fetishising my dark skin, or if my skin is simply part of the package that is me.
“Coming from a predominantly Black culture to London was a real culture shock. It was a concept that came up in my conversation with Victor*, who had moved to the UK from the Caribbean. I now question what it was about me these men ‘actually’ found attractive.” It’s been the most shocking revelation of how racism and white supremacy can affect all people. Over time I have learned to value myself, and in turn, other Black men have become more attractive to me. “While I had questioned my dating choices before the pandemic, it was during lockdown, the cultural conversation on race and Black Lives Matter I had space to really ask myself: ‘why’ I dated the men I had.” While Leon and I spoke at length about the response from friends and family of his previous partners making relationships difficult and the impact on his mental health and self-worth, it was only at the very end of our conversation he said: “The world consistently tells Black men we have little value. I spoke with Leon*, a Birmingham-based gay Black man who has, until recently, exclusively dated outside of his race.
Further studies by others have explored other aspects of race-based sexual ‘preference’, most notably those who purposely date outside of their own race, defined as ‘racial fetishism’. The term ‘sexual racism’ has its roots in the 1970s but was fully explored and defined by professor Charles Herbert Stember to in fact be the ‘sexual rejection of the racial minority’. Hearing ‘it’s just my preference’ in relation to sexual desirability is commonplace, and the conversation about its racist intonations is on-going, but perhaps the events of 2020 have put us in a particularly generative space to have a conversation about race? I spoke with 25 men about their race-based sexual ‘preference’, how the events of the summer have or haven’t shifted their position, and if racism in the LGBTQ+ community can be tackled. During summer 2020, we all saw the resurgence of the Black Lives Matter movement but how many of us truly engaged, learned, grew and questioned our behaviour and choices? The LGBTQ+ community was reminded that the freedoms many of us enjoy today are the direct result of queer Black people.